Hello, out there, from Maybe Land! This is the 4th episode of Cinnamon Bear, and I hope you’re enjoying this as much as I am!
King King Blotto the Third is voiced by Joseph Kearns, who also voiced Crazy Quilt. You can see my short write-up about him here. As an additional bit of info, Kearns was born in Salt Lake City Utah.
The Inkaboo Captain, officially called Captain of Inks, was played by Joseph Franz (October 12, 1883 – September 9, 1970). I believe that this was the same Joseph Franz that was a silent film directo and actor, and it seems that he didn’t have an extensive career in radio. That being said, he has a few credits to his name throughout the 30s on radio. Some of his credits include some parts in Calling All Cars, Lux Radio Theater, Jack Benny, and Dr. Christian.
Download all of Cinnamon Bear’s episodes at once at https://archive.org/details/CinnamonBear. You can also listen to each episode on archive without downloading.
The Cinnamon Bear Episode 4 – Ruthless Ink Blotters
Opening: Cinnamon Bear Theme
Cinnamon Bear: And here’s the Cinnamon Bear!
Announcer: Well, Judy and Jimmy and the Cinnamon Bear overtook the Crazy Quilt Dragon last time, and cornered him on a cliff overlooking the Root Beer Ocean, but no amount of persuasion could make him hand over the silver star which he had stolen, so nothing remained but to scare him. And scare him they did! And what did Crazy Quilt do but leap off the cliff and land ker-slosh! in the ocean. They rushed down to meet him as he came dripping through the root beer waves only to discover that he had dropped the silver star when he jumped. It’s lost again. Everyone is muchly disturbed, and Crazy Quilt is hanging his head.
Cinnamon Bear: Ooh. This is a pretty kettle of halibuts, if I do say so meself. Jimmy: You’re a fine kind of a dragon. First you steal our silver star, and then you go and lose it. Crazy Quilt: Oh, me! Nothing but shame do I get. Shame to the left of me. Shame to the right of me. Jimmy: You’re extra bad and you know it! Judy: Now, Jimmy, don’t be so mean to Crazy Quilt. He said he was sorry. Crazy Quilt: Ah! My gracious young lady, do I detect a note of sympathy in your sweet voice? Can it be possible you feel sorry for me? Judy: Well, I didn’t exactly say I was sorry for you. After all, it was very naughty of you to steal our star. Cinnamon Bear: Don’t try and pull any of that weepy weepy stuff around here, Crazy Quilt, it won’t work! Crazy Quilt: Alas! For ten centuries, uh, maybe eleven, the Crazy Quilt Dragons have flourished with nary a blot on their scutcheon. Oh, to think that I must be the one to bring shame to our illustrious name. Judy: Oh, there, there, Crazy Quilt. Don’t feel so bad about it. Crazy Quilt: I must redeem myself. There’s no three ways about it. I must. Cinnamon Bear: You’ve done enough already, you overstuffed villain! Jimmy: That’s what I say. You'd better scram before I say ‘boo’. Crazy Quilt: Oh, please, please! You know how that horrid word affects me. Judy: Don’t be so impolite, Jimmy. Let’s see what Crazy Quilt has to say for himself. Crazy Quilt: Oh, thank you, my lovely one. Now, if you could all overlook my past offenses, I’d gladly help you look for the star. Cinnamon Bear: Applesauce with raisins in it! Don’t let him fool you, children. Crazy Quilt: I really have a good heart, you know. It’s made out of red yarn, and it’s big and true as true can be. Don’t you think you could see your way clear to let me join up with your expedition? Huh? How’s about it? Judy: Oh, I don’t know what to say, Crazy Quilt. Jimmy: Well I do! We don’t trust you, Crazy Quilt, and that’s that! Cinnamon Bear: Good for you, Jimmy! Crazy Quilt: Oh, the shame of it all! Oh, agony! Judy: (hears humming) Listen! What’s that noise, Cinnamon Bear? Cinnamon Bear: I wonder. Can you see anybody, Jimmy? Jimmy: No! Crazy Quilt: Look! Coming around that rock! Wow! Jimmy: Jiminy Crickets! Crazy Quilt: It’s the Inkaboos! Run! Run for your lives, everybody! See you later! Wow! Cinnamon Bear: Oh-ho! Crazy Quilt’s jumped back into the ocean. Jimmy: Why, look! Those Inkaboos are as flat as can be! They look like paper dolls. Judy: Sure! Paper dolls made out of blotting paper. With faces drawn on ‘em. (laughs) Aren’t they funny? Cinnamon Bear: I don’t know about that. They’ve got pens for spears, and they certainly are scowling alright! Captain Inkaboo: Halt-o! Jimmy: Aw, don’t be silly. How can we halt when we’re not moving? Captain Inkaboo: Halt-o! I arrest you, whoever you be, in the name of His Majesty King Blotto the Third! All Inkaboos: How-wow-wow! Jimmy: Arrest us? For what? We haven’t done anything. Captain Inkaboo: Oh, but you have. Definitely! Prisoners, fall in! Judy: We’re not prisoners, and we won’t fall in. Captain Inkaboo: Better step along lively, or get pricked by our spears. Jimmy: Maybe we'd better do as they say, those pens look plenty sharp. Captain Inkaboo: Prisoners, forward march-o! Cinnamon Bear: Eh, this is an outrage! We haven’t done a thing, and, well we’re not going to march, that’s what! Ooow! Captain Inkaboo: That’s just a sample. Now hurry up. Jimmy: I sure wish I had my water pistol with me. I’d fix those Inkaboos in a jiffy. I’d soak ‘em up like anything. Cinnamon Bear: I could fix ‘em, too, if they didn’t have those pesky spear pens. Bless my stuffings, but they’re sharp! Judy: Look! Over there! It’s a town. Jimmy: Sure enough! And the houses are made of cardboard. You know, they’re sort of wobbling in the breeze. Judy: You know what, Jimmy? It looks just like that toy village we got for Christmas last year. See, the walls and the roofs are held together with cardboard flaps, and the windows don’t have any glass at all. Cinnamon Bear: And the grass we’re walking on isn’t really grass, it’s paper. Jimmy: Just like that green grass we always have in our Easter bunny nests. Judy: You kinda suppose that beach we were on was made of sandpaper? Cinnamon Bear: That’s very funny. I’d laugh the stuffing out of meself if I wasn’t so worried about what these Inkaboos are going to do with us. Judy: Let’s ask them and find out. Jimmy: Good idea. Uh, hey you, uh, Mister Blotter! All Inkaboos: Oooh! Oh wow! Jimmy: What’s the matter? Captain Inkaboo: Prisoner, you have uttered the greatest insult that can be insulted at a mighty Inkaboo. Cinnamon Bear: Why? Just because he called you a Blotter? All Inkaboos: Ohh! Ohh! Captain Inkaboo: If you value your skin, you stuffed monstrosity, never say that terrible word again! Cinnamon Bear: Why uh, why certainly, if it upsets you that much. But we’d sort of like to know what you’re going to do with us. Captain Inkaboo: In a few moments, you shall be ushered into the presence of His Imperial Majesty Emperor of the Inkaboos Incorporated King Blotto the Third. All Inkaboos: How-wow-wow! Jimmy: Yeah! Then what’s King Blotto gonna do? Captain Inkaboo: His Majesty will hear the accusations, and pass judgment on you. Cinnamon Bear: For what? We haven’t hurt anybody. Judy: I should say not! Captain Inkaboo: That has nothing to do with the case, and King Blotto will punish you accordingly. Now march-o! All Inkaboos: How-wow-wow! Captain Inkaboo: Prisoners, you are about to enter the royal audience chamber. Bow your heads and keep them there until His Majesty speaks! Cinnamon Bear: I’m afraid, that’s impossible for me. You see, my head is fastened on so it can move sideways, but not up and down. Captain Inkaboo: Oh… This will never do. Everyone must show His Majesty the utmost respect. Cinnamon Bear: I’ll tell you what I’ll do. I’ll just turn me head clean around, so it’s facing backwards. How’s that? Captain Inkaboo: Eh, a bit irregular, but it will have to do. Guard! Sound the royal fol-de-rol! (fol-de-rol sounded) Prisoners, forward march-o, and keep your head bowed. Judy: Hope I don’t stumble. Jimmy: Me too. Cinnamon Bear: With me head turned backwards, I haven’t the slightest idea where I’m going. Captain Inkaboo: Prisoners, halt-o! Your Most Unusually High Highness, we bow in your mighty presence. Hail King Blotto the Third! All Inkaboos: How-wow-wow! King Blotto: More respect, please, you’re not half enthusiastic enough. All Inkaboos: How-wow and double wow! King Blotto: That’s better. Captain Inkaboo: You may raise your heads now, Prisoners. Judy: Look, that’s King Blotto sitting on an empty ink bottle. Jimmy: What a funny king, isn’t he, Cinnamon Bear? Cinnamon Bear: Wait till I get my head twisted around so I can see. Oh-ho-ho! Ho-ho! What a sight! Captain Inkaboo: Order! Order! King Blotto: Who are these things, Captain? Judy: We’re not things, we’re people! Cinnamon Bear: And very good people I might add! King Blotto: When we wish you to add, we’ll tell you about it. Quiet. Proceed, Captain. Captain Inkaboo: Your Majesty, we found them standing right on the boundary line of the dominion of the Inkaboos Incorporated, and what’s more, they have their shoes on. King Blotto: Oh! This is an offense, isn’t it? By the way, what offense is it? Captain Inkaboo: A violation of ordinance number 23 skiddoo, which prohibits foreigners from standing on an Inkaboo boundary line with shoes on. King Blotto: Oh yes, so it does. Jimmy: Well, how did we know it was against the law? Judy: Yeah, we didn’t see any boundary line. Where is it? Cinnamon Bear: That’s what I’d like to know. Where is it? King Blotto: It’s a secret. Jimmy: Well, you can’t very well arrest us for standing on something that we don’t know where it is. King Blotto: Ignorance of the law is nine tenths of the… something… and besides, you should have taken your shoes off, then we wouldn’t have bothered you. Cinnamon Bear: Ha-Ha! Then that lets me out. I don’t wear any shoes, so I couldn’t very well take them off. King Blotto: What? Then you’re doubly guilty, because you didn’t have any shoes to take off. Judy: But that’s not fair! That… or… Well, that law doesn’t say anything like that! King Blotto: Oh, my, so it doesn’t. Well, we’ll fix that. Where’s my royal secretary? Royal Secretary: Here, Your Majesty. King Blotto: Uh, take an amendment. Quote: People who don’t have shoes to take off when they stand on an Inkaboo boundary line, are guilty of, uh, double treason and arsonic. I, King Blotto the Third so will it. Unquote. All Inkaboos: Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Cinnamon Bear: What… What do you intend to do with us now? King Blotto: Mmm. I don’t quite know. Something too, too terrible, I fancy. That is, unless you want to try and win your freedom. Jimmy: Well, how can we do that? King Blotto: I’ll tell you. Ever since the Inkaboos were created, I have been king because of a mysterious, magical inscription I bear on my chest. See it? Judy: Yes, I noticed it before. It’s some kind of writing. King Blotto: Indeed! Uh, pretty isn’t it? And I’m the only Inkaboo that has such an inscription. Jimmy: Uh, what’s it say? King Blotto: That, Strangers, is exactly what we’ve never been able to find out. Wise men from all over the realm have tried for years to decipher it, but in vain. We know it’s most important, so if you prisoners can tell us what it says, we’ll allow you to leave unharmed. Cinnamon Bear: I know what it is, Judy and Jimmy. It’s writing that’s been blotted on him from a piece of paper. It’s just on backwards, that’s all. If I had a looking glass, I could read it off like nothing. Judy: I have a little looking glass, Cinnamon Bear, right here in my sweater pocket. Jimmy: Swell. Give it to him so we can get saved. Judy: Here it is. King Blotto: Well, Strangers? Will you attempt to save your lives? Cinnamon Bear: Your Majesty, it has been revealed to me that I may make known to you and your subjects the inscriptions on Your Majesty’s person. Have I your permission to perform a bit of magic? King Blotto: Mmm, you have. Cinnamon Bear: Very well. I approach Your Majesty. I hold this magic eye to your chest. Now! Looking Glass, Looking Glass, shining bright, read us what’s within your sight. Hocus Pocus, ish-kabibble. Oh-ho… ho-ho! Oh, this is good. Come here and look, Judy and Jimmy! Judy, Jimmy and Cinnamon Bear: (laughing) King Blotto: Why, how dare you laugh at my chest! Cinnamon Bear: We can’t help it. Do you want to know what your mysterious inscription says? King Blotto: Certainly! Read on. Cinnamon Bear: Okay. You asked for it. Here goes. 1 pound hamburger, half a pound of Limburger cheese, 5 cents worth of onions. Jimmy: (laughing) He must have been blotted on somebody’s shopping list. Cinnamon Bear: I regret to inform Your Majesty that your magical inscription is just the makings of a Dutch lunch. King Blotto: Oh! Enough! Enough! Your insults and laughter at our royal expense shall cost you dearly. Judy: What do you mean? King Blotto: Captain! Summon the royal guard. Summon the royal executioner. Jimmy: Executioner? King Blotto: Conduct these insulters outside the gates! Captain Inkaboo: Yes, Your Majesty! King Blotto: And have them thrown into the Immense Inkwell.
Announcer: Goodness, gracious! That sounds bad for our friends, doesn’t it? King Blotto the Third really means business, I’m afraid. It’s hard to wait until next time to find out what’s going to happen to Judy and Jimmy and the Cinnamon Bear when the royal guard and the royal executioner take them to the Immense Inkwell.