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We are almost a week into our Cinnamon Bear adventure!
In episode number 5, the Assistant Royal Executioner, is played by Ed Max (May 4, 1909 – October 17, 1980). Born Edwin Miller, Ed Max’s radio appearances include parts in Mystery is My Hobby, Let George Do It, The Story of Dr. Kildare, and Suspense, among others. He also played the Cowardly Lion on a 1934 Lux Radio Theater episode of the Wizard of Oz.
Download all of Cinnamon Bear’s episodes at Radio Echoes. You can also listen to each episode there without downloading. Here is the link to today’s episode: Cinnamon Bear Episode 5
The Cinnamon Bear Episode 5 – Outwitted By A Polka Dot Whale
Opening: Cinnamon Bear Theme
Cinnamon Bear: And here’s the Cinnamon Bear!
Announcer: I wonder what’s happening to Judy and Jimmy and the Cinnamon Bear? They lost the silver star again when the Crazy Quilt Dragon jumped into the Root Beer Ocean, and as though that weren’t bad enough, they were captured by the Inkaboos, strange people made out of blotting paper with their faces drawn on in ink. Crazy Quilt escaped, but the rest of our brave expedition was led before King Blotto the Third, accused of violating all sorts of Inkaboo laws, and finally condemned to be thrown into the Immense Inkwell. Now we find Judy and Jimmy and the Cinnamon Bear completely surrounded by Inkaboos standing on the brink of the Immense Inkwell.
Judy: Jimmy, hold my hand. I’m scared!
Cinnamon Bear: Deary me! This inkwell really is immense and black as pitch.
Jimmy: Willikers! It’s almost a block across!
Captain Inkaboo: Yes, and it’s over three thousand thingamajigs deep, and it’s icy cold.
Cinnamon Bear: Ooooh, my be-you-tiful stuffing! This’ll be the end of Paddy O’Cinnamon, sure.
Judy: (crying) and we’ll never, never get the silver star back! Maybe we’ll never have another Christmas, even. Oh, I wish we were back home with Mother and Daddy.
Jimmy: Aw, don’t cry, Judy. I’m right here. I’m a pretty good swimmer, you know. I got a badge for it. But I don’t know how good I can swim in that awful ink.
Captain Inkaboo: HooHoo-Ha-Ha! You can’t! This is un-swimmable ink! You’ll just sink and sink and sink!
Judy: Oh! You mean old blotter!
Piping Inkaboo: His Right Royal Highness King Blotto the Third!
All Inkaboos: How-wow-wow!
King Blotto: Well, well, well, let’s get on with the execution. Come Come Come Come Come, where’s the Royal Executioner?
Inkaboo: Excuse me, Your Majesty, but the Royal Executioner isn’t here.
King Blotto: Isn’t here! Why isn’t he?
Inkaboo: This is his day off.
King Blotto: Why doesn’t somebody tell me these things? Send someone after him!
Inkaboo: Begging your pardon, Your Majesty, but Executioners Union local 33 and a third would be very much annoyed if we did.
Judy: Maybe we’ll get saved yet, Jimmy.
Jimmy: Maybe!
King Blotto: What a way to run a kingdom! Here we have three very insulting people to execute, and the executioner is taking a day off. I, well I’m flabbergasted!
Inkaboo: But, Your Majesty, how is…
King Blotto: Quiet! Where’s my Royal Secretary?
Royal Secretary: Here I am, Your Majesty.
King Blotto: Take a proclamation. Quote: Be it known here and after, and from this date henceforward that the Royal Executioner shall not… underline not… shall not take his day off if it is the day of an execution. And furthermore…
Inkaboo: Excuse me, Your Majesty, but how can the Royal Executioner not take his day off on the day of an execution, if he starts off on his day off before it becomes the day of an execution? Do I make myself clear?
King Blotto: Absolutely! Uh, what do you mean?
Inkaboo: Well, the Royal Executioner left for his day off this morning, and this did not become a day of an execution until this afternoon.
King Blotto: Oh, very well then. Don’t take a proclamation, you see if I care.
Cinnamon Bear: If things keep up at this rate, we may have a chance yet, Jimmy.
Jimmy: That’s what I think.
King Blotto: Well, why doesn’t somebody do something?
Inkaboo: I’m sorry, Your Majesty, but the Inkaboo constitution is very rigid in the matter of executions. I’m afraid we’re lost without the Royal Executioner to officiate.
Cinnamon Bear: Ahem. Well, why don’t you just sort of call the whole thing off, huh?
Judy: That’d be elegant!
Jimmy: Sure! You don’t want to have an execution anyhow!
King Blotto: We do so, and don’t you speak until you’re spoken to. This here now execution has got to go on.
Captain Inkaboo: What’ll we do? Possibly we could postpone the…
Inkaboo: Hooray! Hooray!
King Blotto: Now what’s the matter with you?
Inkaboo: I’ve been trying for ten years to remember what my official position is, and it just dawned on me sudden-like. Hooray! Hooray!
King Blotto: Oh, cut the ‘hooray’ business and tell us who you are, if it makes any difference.
Inkaboo: Oh, but it does, Your Majesty. I just happened to remember that I’m the Assistant Royal Executioner. So there!
Cinnamon Bear: Oh, we’re sunk, children. They’ll dunk us like donuts!
Judy: Oh! I don’t wanna be pushed into that awful big old inkwell!
Jimmy: Me neither! I’ll fight ‘em first!
Captain Inkaboo: Oh, no you don’t! Hold him, men!
Jimmy: Leave me alone, I’ll… Ouch!
Cinnamon Bear: Now don’t do that again, Blotter Face, or I’ll scratch you to shreds.
Captain Inkaboo: Hahahaha! Did you hear that? This little runt says he’ll scratch me to pieces!
Judy: And he will, too!
Cinnamon Bear: Grr-ah! Grr-ah!
King Blotto: Oh, make that thing stop making that funny noise, will you? And for the love of ink, get on with the execution!
Assistant Executioner: Very well, Your Majesty.
Cinnamon Bear: Grr-ah!
King Blotto: Just a minute. What’s that person doing anyway?
Judy: He’s a cinnamon bear, and that’s his growl.
Jimmy: Yeah, and it scares people like everything.
King Blotto: Aw, fiddlesticks, doesn’t scare me at all! But I find it most annoying. Kindly desist, will you? And in the name of ten thousand pen wipers, please proceed with the execution!
Assistant Executioner: Of course, Your Majesty. Are the prisoners in line to be shoved off into the Immense Inkwell, Captain?
Captain Inkaboo: Well, sort of, but they won’t stand still! Here, you! All of you put your arms around each other so the executioner can push you in with one push!
Judy: Oh, dear.
Captain Inkaboo: There. All ready now!
Judy: I’m awful scared, Cinnamon Bear.
Cinnamon Bear: Just, Just be calm like me, Judy. Something always happens.
Jimmy: Sure, like in storybooks. Uh, the Marines’ll come, maybe.
King Blotto: What is holding us up now? I’m rapidly losing my patience!
Assistant Executioner: Pardon, Your Majesty, but I temporarily forgot how the ceremony begins.
King Blotto: Well, you better remember in a jiffy, or I’ll have you dropped into the inkwell when the Royal Executioner gets back from his day off.
Assistant Executioner: Yes, Yes, Yes, Your Majesty. Silence, silence! In the name of his Majesty King Blotto the Third, I, Assistant Executioner do hereby prepare to shove these prisoners into the black depths of the Immense Inkwell. Uh.. Uh…
King Blotto: Well, Go on, Go on!
Assistant Executioner: Your Majesty will please forgive me, but I can’t just remember the exact wording of the execution.
King Blotto: Absurd! Why, I’ll have you…
Assistant Executioner: Please, Please. Couldn’t I just skip over that part and shove ‘em in right away?
Captain Inkaboo: Your Majesty, unless the executioner proceeds according to custom, the execution may not be done.
King Blotto: Ohh! This is the last straw! Oh dear, let me see, maybe I can remember how it begins. Uh… One for the money, two… uh…
Assistant Executioner: Two for the show.
King Blotto: Splendid! Uh, One for the money, uh two for the show. Uh, three… Uh three…
Judy: Jimmy and I know that one.
Jimmy: You bet! It’s one for the money, two for the show, three to make ready, and…
Cinnamon Bear: No, no. Don’t Jimmy! You’re just helping them throw us in this awful inkwell!
Jimmy: Jiminy Crickets, I forgot!
Assistant Executioner: Your Majesty, Your Majesty, I remember it all now. May we proceed with the execution?
King Blotto: By all means, and make it snappy!
Assistant Executioner: One for the money, two for the show, three to make ready….
Voice: and Ho! Ho! Ho!
Captain Inkaboo: Who interrupts our magnificent ceremony of execution?
Jimmy: Why it’s the Crazy Quilt Dragon!
Judy: Where?
Cinnamon Bear: I see him, and bless my stuffing, if he hasn’t gotten reinforcements!
Judy: Hurray! We’re saved!
Crazy Quilt: Company! Prepare to defend yourselves!
Cinnamon Bear: Crazy Quilt’s got a company of Scissor Soldiers. They’ll cut the Inkaboo blotters to pieces.
Jimmy: Swell! Let’s try to get through and meet Crazy Quilt.
Judy: We can’t! We’re completely surrounded by these awful Inkaboos.
Cinnamon Bear: They’re gonna try and hold us.
Crazy Quilt: Up and at ‘em boys! Mow ‘em down!
Judy: Here we are, Crazy Quilt!
Crazy Quilt: Hold on, friends! We’ll break through!
Captain Inkaboo: Call for reinforcements! Bring out the artillery!
Jimmy: That’s the stuff, Crazy Quilt!
Cinnamon Bear: Give them the works! Grr-ah!
Judy: Here he is! Here’s Crazy Quilt!
Cinnamon Bear: Oh, you got here just in the nick of time, Crazy.
Crazy Quilt: So glad we did. But the fight’s not over yet, the Inkaboo captain just called for the artillery.
Jimmy: Aw, these Scissor Soldiers will fix them, alright.
Crazy Quilt: I don’t think so. Scissors can raise havoc with ordinary Inkaboo blotters, but they’re not much good against the artillery.
Cinnamon Bear: Just as soon as there’s a big enough break in the line, we’ll run for it. Grr-ah! At ’em boys!
Crazy Quilt: Here comes the Inkaboo artillery.
Judy: Look! They’re big fountain pens.
Crazy Quilt: Right! And they squirt ink.
Jimmy: Gee! Look what they’re doing to the Scissor Soldiers. They’re slipping and sliding all over the place!
Crazy Quilt: Oh, that’s what I was afraid of. They can’t cut a thing when they’re wet.
Cinnamon Bear: oh, hooray! There’s a break in Inkaboo the line!
Jimmy: Come on, let’s run for it!
Judy: Alright, but where’ll we go? We can just run and run!
Cinnamon Bear: Of course not, the Inkaboos will catch us.
Crazy Quilt: Well, uh, just keep running. I think I know a safe place.
Jimmy: Where’s that?
Crazy Quilt: The Root Beer Ocean. We’ll all jump in, and the Inkaboos won’t dare follow us, ‘cause they’d get soaked, and fall to pieces.
Judy: Wonderful, Crazy Quilt! Let’s run even faster.
Jimmy: Yes, but what about Cinnamon Bear? He can’t jump in the Root Beer Ocean!
Cinnamon Bear: Mercy, no! It would be the end of me and my extra-special stuffing.
Crazy Quilt: Don’t worry about that. You can all climb on my back, and I’ll swim you.
Cinnamon Bear: Crazy Quilt, you’re a lifesaver!
Crazy Quilt: Oh, not yet I’m not! We’ve still got to make it to the beach! Let’s go!
Cinnamon Bear: Oh, there’s the Root Beer Ocean.
Judy: I was afraid we’d never make it!
Jimmy: Oh, Gee. Here come those Inkaboos.
Crazy Quilt: Alright. Up on my back, all of you.
Judy: Okay, Crazy Quilt. I’m on. How ‘bout you Jimmy?
Jimmy: Right behind you, Judy!
Cinnamon Bear: Yeah. Me too!
Crazy Quilt: All set for the take off?
Cinnamon Bear: All set, Crazy!
Crazy Quilt: Then here we go!
Jimmy: Whew! Just made it! Boy are those Inkaboos mad!
Judy: Yeah, but they don’t dare follow us.
Cinnamon Bear: We’re certainly grateful to you for saving us, Crazy Quilt.
Crazy Quilt: Oh, shaw! It was nothing. I just wanted to show you how, how sorry I was about the silver star.
Judy: Oh, I’d almost forgotten about our silver star with all the excitement and everything!
Jimmy: Yes, but we’ve still got to find it to put on top of our tree or Christmas won’t be Christmas.
Crazy Quilt: Well, uh, do you think I’ve redeemed myself enough to be allowed to help you look for it, my friends?
Cinnamon Bear: Crazy Quilt, as one Cinnamon Bear to a Dragon, I’d say yes. What do you think, children?
Jimmy: Sure. Crazy Quilt’s one of us now.
Judy: And we’re glad to have him!
Crazy Quilt: Oh, my friends! I am touched. I don’t know how!
Judy and Jimmy: Whee!
Cinnamon Bear: Bless my stuffings!
Jimmy: Willikers! What a big wave that was! Are you alright Cinnamon Bear?
Cinnamon Bear: Hunky-Dunky!
Judy: Jimmy! Look! Over there! Isn’t that our silver star?
Jimmy: Oh, sure enough. It’s floating on top of the Root Beer Ocean as nice as you please.
Cinnamon Bear: Eureka! Swim over that way, Crazy Quilt, so Jimmy can reach out and grab it.
Crazy Quilt: Right you are, Skipper.
Jimmy: Now just a little closer, Crazy Quilt.
Judy: Oh! What’s that?
Cinnamon Bear: Wow! It’s a big whale! A blue and white polka-dot whale!
Crazy Quilt: On spot-kins! It’s Wesley the Wailing Whale!
Jimmy: And he came up right between us and our silver star!
Judy: And he sees it too, and he’s opening his mouth!
Jimmy: Oh, he swallowed it right up!
Announcer: Well, if it isn’t one thing, it’s another. This is certainly a pretty pickle for our young friends. No sooner did they escape the Inkaboos and find their precious silver star floating serenely on the Root Beer Ocean, but a blue and white polka dot whale with an appetite has to come along and gobble it up. Let’s listen next time and see what happens. Never can tell, you know.
Sources:
https://www.oldtimeradiodownloads.com/actors/ed-max
What a dysfunctional bunch those Inkaboos are. 😀 This business with the executioner reminds me a little of part of the plot of The Mikado. And Ed Max had a great character voice.
I’ve never heard of the mikado. I’ll have to look that one up!
Gilbert and Sullivan. Love ’em!