This is the sequel to The Story of Nature. I wrote this and the previous when I was about 14. The end line will not make any sense to you, because it is a reference to two unrelated other stories I had written beforehand. Maybe I’ll post those in the future.
The Continuing Story of the Man-Eating Bush
(This is the So-called “Truth” of the story. The Man-Eating Bush gives his testimony in court.)
I was sitting there happily, minding my own business when they came over. I didn’t want it to happen, it just happened. I was hungry and they came over. It was THEIR fault. Really! They brought it upon themselves. Everyone ALWAYS blames it on the man-eating bush. It’s just not fair, Your Honor! Yeah, maybe I DO have a slight history with eating people, but to blame it all on me is just not FAIR!!! They didn’t listen. This is MY side of the story.
They were talking about something, something about Nature. I heard someone yell, “Behind the bush we go!” I said, “NO NO NO. Don’t come near me, I don’t want to hurt you nice people.” But they didn’t listen. The one they called Nate had huge hedge clippers in his hands and yelled, “CUT THE TREE!!!” I was very angry and scared. I was angry that he called me A TREE!!! I am a BUSH, not a TREE!! And I was scared that these nice people would kill me.
I said, “No, no, I am just minding my business knitting my leaves. Do not kill me nice people, you.” Eer yelled, “CHARGE!!!” And I screamed like a little girl and tried to run, but then remembered that I was stuck to the ground. (gasp) “EEK!!” I screamed for the second time.
“Yes?” Eek replied in a kind voice. “Oh, not you! I was only screaming,” I said. “Oh, good day, carry on then,” and off he went. Then all the nice people ran behind me and I warned them, “If you hurt me I will eat you.” I heard a little kid yell out, “I’m too young to die!!!”
I smiled and said, “I am too!!!” Eer said, “We are mean, we will hurt you.” I started to cry.
“GET HIM!!” Nate screamed. I didn’t now what to do. I did what my instincts told me. I ate him. Well, I WAS hungry, and I DID warn him.
“Gasp!!” the crowd cried, gasping. “Any more care to try to hurt me?” I asked. Eer yelled, “YOU ATE MY FRIEND!!!” His face was so red, I thought he was going to blow up, Your Honor. Hahahah… ahem. Yeah, anyway, as I was saying. “YOU ATE MY FRIEND!!” he yelled. Then, out of nowhere, he pulled an even BIGGER pair of hedge clippers! “YAY!!!” the whole crowd clapped. I couldn’t move quick enough and CLIP. My roots were disconnected from my body. I cried. After I was done crying, everyone laughed and went home. And that is my testimony.
(end of testimony)
Then the judge spoke. “Ok. Lets just ASSUME you’re telling the truth. If your roots were cut off, how did you get your roots back, because I can see that you have perfectly good roots right now.
“Err…,” the bush said.
“Yes?” Eer answered.
“I was just thinking what I should tell her.”
Eer said, “Oh, ok. Carry on, then.”
The judge spoke again. “You, Mr. Man-Eating Bush, are telling the whole lie, and nothing but the lie. I therefore sentence you to 3 years of eating plants, 10 years of living with Funny Funny Fu Fu, and 22 years of living with the evil tailless monkey, where he will give the girl who ripped his tail off a break and go after YOU for a change. A ha….ha….ha….ha….ha.”
Everyone in the courtroom laughed hysterically and said, “YAY!”